Hughson Weekend

We're going from one major even to another! This past weekend Eric, Garrett, Georgia, and I flew up to San Jose then drove over to Hughson to meet Ken's family and attend Mom's bridal shower. I'm so glad we got to meet Ken's family before the wedding.

Here's a cute picture at the bridal shower:

Brenda, Ken's daughter is on the right, and Barbara, Ken's other daughter is on the left. And yes, those are chocolate covered strawberries they got her...mmm....

Here's a picture out in front of Ken's house, just Mom, Garrett and I

A picture of everyone out front

Some outtakes....

Trudie the hotdog...(for Halloween!)

Baby Shower!

I had the pleasure of throwing my college roommate her baby shower this past weekend. What a blessing it was-it gave me something positive to focus on, and it allowed me to show her how much I love her as my friend! My sister-in-law helped me (thank goodness!) with the decorations and setting up. Here's some pictures of the table:

Tyler is the baby's name, so we painted pink letters and put them on mason jars in the kitchen. I made the cupcakes and decorated them and set them out around the food.

(Yes, the picture above is a little up-close and personal shot of the veggie tray, but I like how cute everything turned out!)

Mmm...Sara's on the left, taste-testing baby food. One of the gross games we played.

Sara and I at the end of the day. She looks so pretty and happy in this picture!!!

Yes, I always get sentimental, but I really was so excited to do this for her. I love baking and being a hostess. I think it's just I like making people feel special. But after this past year and all the support Sara has given me, I am glad to have just a small opportunity to show her how much she means to me!

Golden Ticket

Mrs. E.: "K, guys, to get out of class today I need three things you learned. Write it down on this slip of paper. It's your ticket out the door."

Student: "Like a golden ticket?"

Mrs. E.: "Yup, like Charley and the Chocolate Factory-only not chocolate and not golden."

Student: "You should have made it on gold paper!" (Student then proceeds to bust out into song) "I've got a golden ticket!!!!"

Mrs. E.: "I'm so glad we could all share this moment..." (song is now stuck in my head the whole rest of the day)

First Week Back from Fall Break

Student: "Mrs. E.? Can I ask you a question?" (student asks this quietly, and her tone of voice signals this is a sex question-in the middle of English class, because you know, sexual phrases need to be defined in English class. Where else would you grammatically analyze a sexual statement?!)

Mrs. E.: "Yes, of course." (secretly holding my breath, I don't mind sex questions, but school politics only allows me to answer certain things in a certain way)

Student: "What does 'hit it then ditch it?' mean?" (Yup. Knew it. Sex question)

Mrs. E.: "Well. It's not nice. So...how to best phrase this appropriately..."

Boy Student, sitting nearby, eavesdropping on our conversation (of course, I swear, you merely whisper have the word "sex" and boys can trigger your conversation miles away. Freaking ridiculous hormones): "It means have sex with a girl then ditch her and never see her again!" (May I emphasize at this point he answered the question for her loudly-so that the whole class could hear and now be involved in the conversation. So now, not only is the girl's face red, but I must re-direct the whole entire class back to short story writing.)

Where do I go from here?

I was thinking about the past year and how I feel about things. I came to the conclusion that I've felt like I've been climbing a mountain-and tumbling in the process. Climb. Make progress. Trip. Slide back down. That sort of thing.

My heart has lived a little in anger and bitterness, and I have had a tendency to push people away because of it. I'm tired, and if I'm tired I don't communicate well.

Grief is a very real process that no heart journeys through the same. That is the lesson to learn. (FYI-don't buy people the dumb Christmas ornament that says "my Daddy is in heaven." That's freaking lame. I really don't want to hang that on the tree every year!) I've struggled a little to let God walk with me through this process. I pushed Him away a few times, and my heart paid for it. But desperately, I do not want Him to leave me-I won't survive without Him.

What do I do with my heart when I'm feeling so many emotions at once? Joy at the idea of a new family, a large family, to be a part of. Sorrow at the loss of my father, the father I thought I'd have on earth for 40 more years. Comfort knowing my mother won't have to live alone anymore. Love for a new man in my mom's life-who will be such a blessing to myself, my husband, and my future children.

What is frustrating is that with beautiful change there is also change that will prick at my heart. Eventually, the hometown I've known for 27 years, and the house I spent 10 of those, will be sold and my new family will be in Hughson. I've always been a homebody, always. I can't really effectively put into words how it will feel to me not to have family in Fortuna anymore. In my childhood, I imagined my life to always be in Fortuna-family close by and my children going to the same schools I grew up in. Obviously, this is not how things turned out. And I struggle with that, and sometimes I get frustrated with God for not letting me have that dream.

I struggle with the Bible verse that talks about God having a plan for my future. Sometimes I don't believe the plan He has is the best for me. Silly me. But if I admit it, then God can use it, and I can grow from it.

So where do I go from here? The vibe I get from people sometimes is that "oh, it's been a year since your Dad died, you should be over it". But no, it becomes a part of my heart, and I carry it with me. And yes, I still think of my Daddy every single day. I will for the rest of my life. But I'm letting the joy come back in-and I'm excited for my mom, and I'm excited to meet new family. I'm excited that I'm loved. And I'm excited to be able to love so many people in my life.

Whoa, I have not updated this forever! Above is a picture of Mom and her fiance, Ken. They just came out to spend a week with us so we could finally meet him. I have fall break, so I didn't have to work which was so nice. Eric took some time off too.

I can't wait to meet Ken's family! Maybe I will get to see them sometime before the wedding. :-)

Feeling Alone

As the anniversary of Dad's death approaches, I find myself feeling very alone. For me, it still feels as if it occurred yesterday, and when I sit and think to myself, "really, it's been a year?" I can't believe it still.

I feel as if everyone has moved on, but I'm stuck.