Prayer

It's come to my attention that I probably don't know God as well as I should. In fact, I think HE might be pretty far away from me, and I definitely need to change that. I've started reading The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie something-or-other (I'm too lazy to go upstairs and get the author's name) and something she said in the beginning of her book struck me. She discusses how she struggled frightfully with FEAR after her first baby was born. Fear that she would drop him, forget to feed him, lose him etc.

This is me. I have struggled with fear in this same manner-only I kind of wonder if my fears are a little more psychotic than hers. I hope not. Fear that I'll fall down the stairs with Zane, lock him in the hot car on accident, fear that he'll be taken from me, fear that I'll lose Eric and him...anyway. You get the idea. It's a struggle. Her encouragement is to pray. Obviously these fears won't go away and I might have to stop and pray about it many, many times, but eventually I hope I will fully entrust God with Zane's life.

We've reached the three year mark since Dad passed away, and I think this was a turning point in my relationship with God. Some good, some bad, but mostly I think I've been God-shy. If that makes sense? Foolishly, I am afraid that if I really truly fully entrust God with everything then something "bad" will happen. I'm living in fear.

Anyway, I need to snap out of this and just constantly begin to pray.

For fun, here's a picture I took randomly on the couch. Zane's face is hilarious! Ignore my double chin though-I'm working losing that hahahaaaaa....